So how can you have a good divorce?
In an article written in Stella magazine at the weekend, there was a discussion about a 'Marie Kondo' approach to divorce.
If you haven't yet heard of her, Marie Kondo is a Japanese consultant who as well as having a hugely popular Netflix series, has written four best selling books on organising your home and as a result organising your life; facing yourself and 'sparking joy'.
Marie's philosophy is that you should only keep in your life something that 'sparks joy'. But how can this relate to divorce?
Can the traumatic decision to part from a person that on your wedding day, you thought was a lifelong partner, in any way 'spark joy'? And why does it matter how you approach it with your partner or with those advising you on the legal aspects of a permanent separation?
The stats below are taken from field work undertaken in November last year by YouGov Plc...
- 71% of people interviewed felt we urgently needed the no fault divorce to minimise conflict for children.
- 3 in 4 people interviewed though that their children suffered academically as a result of the divorce.
- 4 in 5 said that the divorce had negatively impacted on their child’s mental health.
- 2 in 3 said they thought that divorce could negatively impact on child’s ability to form healthy relationships.
- 8 in 10 people believe that divorce proceedings should not be based on blame.
- 2 in 3 thought that conflict in divorce could negatively impact children’s social interactions.
Why does it matter...
It really matters to children that their parents can still speak to one another and still talk about their former spouse/partner positively. From making childcare arrangements that suit everyone to taking pride in the children and the blend of attributes they have from both parents. Looking at the bullet points above; why should we put our children through this trauma if it's unnecessary and affects their futures?
The message we give to our clients is that we aim to support the very difficult process of a permanent separation from a once loving relationship.
We give clear advice that we know from experience answers questions, deals with anxieties and supports our clients in reaching a separation in the best way they can for themselves and for the whole family where possible.
Very often when people divorce, family and friends are left taking sides. Wherever possible this should be avoided; people really need their friends and support from their families when divorcing.
The idea of divorcing couples in a more equal society remaining friends after divorce is now much more common. Especially where children are concerned. The idea of honouring or respecting that relationship, even though it is over on one level and of tolerance and working at the friendship that remains, is a much more modern way of divorcing.
So achieving a good divorce IS possible and preferable.
