If contact is going to resume then it must be in your child’s best interest and any contact that takes place must be safe. To answer that there are questions to consider;
Why Did Contact Stop?
Three years is a long time not to see a child. So we need to ask the question 'why did contact stop?' There can be various reasons. You might have stopped contact because you didn’t think it was safe or your ex-partner was being abusive and threatening towards you and you no longer felt safe. Or the other parent simply didn’t maintain regular contact, or it wasn’t’ going well and it just fizzled out.
Why Do They Want To Resume Contact?
Perhaps your ex-partner has matured and realised that they do want to have a relationship with their son or daughter. It could be other family members urging them to get back in touch because they want to resume a relationship. Sometimes, if there has been domestic violence in your relationship with your ex-partner then they may want to control you again.
What Does Your Son/Daughter Think?
How much impact this question will have upon the issue depends upon how old they are and how mature they are. The younger the child the less impact their wishes and feelings will have on the outcome. A young child should not be expected to make such a decision. It is a decision for adults and in the first instance for you to make as their parent. They may say that they don’t want to see their other parent but that might be because they don’t remember them or don’t understand why contact stopped. Having a good relationship with the other parent may actually be what’s best for them.
They may also say that they do want to see their other parent but contact is not actually safe. You may have to go against what they want.
An older child, particularly when they get to their teens, is going to be much more involved in whether or not contact takes place. They are usually old enough to understand more and to be involved in a decision that affects their life.
Was There A Court Order In Place Before Contact Stopped?
If there was a court order in place then unless that order has been changed or stopped it still exists. That doesn’t mean that contact should just take place where it left off. An absence of 3 years is a long time for a child, however old they are, and if contact is going to resume it needs to be built up gradually to allow time for your child to get used to seeing their other parent again.
It may be helpful to apply to the court again to vary the order or if you don’t think that contact is in your child’s best interest to ask for the order to be discharged. The court will then consider contact again, to decide whether or not it should take place and if it should how should it take place to ensure that it is safe or just to ensure that it is built up at a pace that is right for your child.
If there was no contact order in place then you can decide whether or not contact should resume but you have to remember that your decision should put your child first so should be what you believe is in their best interests. If your ex-partner is not happy with your decision they can make an application to the court.
You may want some professional advice before making a decision and we can be contacted on 0800 011 6666.
