It is easy to assume that with contact between children and parents the law focusses on the ‘rights’ of the parents to see their children. However that is not the case. Contact is the right of the child, not of the parent or any other person.

Parents often must encourage children to do things they don’t want to do like eating all their vegetables at dinner and contact with a ‘non-resident’ parent (a parent who doesn’t live with the child) is no different. So, if your child refuses contact with the other parent you should try and establish what the reasons are. Do not just cease contact altogether.

No-one is suggesting that a child should be dragged kicking and screaming to contact, however you should manage the situation positively and get to the bottom of why they don’t want to go. Reasons may include the child being unhappy with the rules they must follow at their other parents’ home or that their other parent lives further away from their friends and school. These are concerns for a child to have. However, you must try and encourage your child to go to contact and promote the idea of them spending time with each of you, despite them being unhappy about going.

What If I Have A Valid Reason For Concern?

If you have a valid reason for concern, for example, evidence that the other parent is intoxicated or under the influence of illicit substances whilst your child is in their care, you should seek immediate legal advice and also speak to your Local Authority for assistance in how to manage these issues.

If you have an existing Court Order in place concerning contact, the Court will expect contact to happen and if it doesn’t, circumstances like that may warrant an application to vary or enforce that order and the resident parent could be in contempt of Court.

Working Together

As parents you should always work together for the benefit of your child/children. If your child doesn’t want to go to contact a few things you could do are:

  • Get your co-parent involved. Talk to the other parent about what is going on and create a plan to handle the situation going forward.
  • Listen to your child about why they do not want to go. Let them express their feelings, to just you or both you and the other parent, without judgement and then respond to them with kindness and understanding and then make a plan going forward.
  • Make ‘handovers’ and parenting time transitions as smooth as possible. Make sure your child has everything they need packed and ready to go and speak positively about them spending time with the other parent.
  • Consider whether you are doing anything that could be influencing your child’s decision. For example, if you are regularly expressing that you do not want to see your ex, your child may feel that saying the same is what you want to hear. This is called and recognised as ‘parental alienation’ and occurs when a child has these thoughts as a result of your hostility towards the other parent. Parental alienation can be extremely damaging for your child and is an issue the Courts take very seriously.

Although a child’s wishes and feelings should always be considered in discussions about contact, a decision should not be taken simply based on what a child says. It is important that you remember your role as a parent. You are the one that is calling the shots and you are in charge.

If a child not attending contact is a continuous problem, if one is not already in force, the other parent may make an application to the Court for a Child Arrangements Order. For more information on this, head over to our website: https://www.timms-law.com/child-arrangement-order/ or contact me on 01332 364436 or via email at l.watson@timms-law.com.