Can Social Services Make Me Leave My Partner?

‘Can Social Services Make Me Leave My Partner?’ Timms Childcare Solicitor Jo Taylor discusses in her latest blog…..

This is a very common and difficult issue.

Before or within Care Proceedings, often one parent is asked to separate, either temporarily or permanently, from the partner who they love (who may or may not be the other parent of the child) as a result of risk said to be posed by that partner to the safety of a child.

The parent will be asked to prioritise the needs of the child and to separate from their partner, at least for a time, whilst the risk is assessed.

This can be heart breaking for the parent who loves both the child and their partner. However, if the parent does not agree to separate it is probable that the Social Worker will ask the Court to agree a plan to remove the child from the parent’s care, either to a safe family placement or into foster care. If the parent does not agree to this the Local Authority will inevitably ask the Court to sanction the removal of the child under a Care Order.

Once the risk assessment has been completed or factual allegations determined, the parent may be able to resume the relationship either because there is no longer believed to be a risk, or the risk can be safely managed.

Sadly, this is not always the case. Often the Care Proceedings and decisions about the future will turn on whether or not a parent can put the child’s needs first and stay away from the risky partner. It may be necessary to obtain expert evidence on this, possibly from a psychologist. There may also be an analysis of the adults’ phone records and social media accounts to analyse whether they have really ended the relationship.

What Happens If The Partner Is Found To Be A Risk To The Child?

When one parent is found to be a substantial risk there are only three options:

1) Let parent and partner look after the child together and take that risk that the child will be harmed.
2) Let the couple live together but remove the child from their care.
3) Ask the parent to separate from the risky partner and for the child to live with the safe parent. If the risky partner is also the child’s parent, manage that parent’s contact probably by limited and supervised contact.

None of these options are ideal. The first option is unlikely to be ordered by the Court unless the risk is very low, or both the parent and partner have already had a programme of therapeutic support or other training to ameliorate the risk.

Is It Realistic To Expect Parents To End Their Romantic Relationship?

The third option is not an unusual situation. It is common for professionals as well as the Judge, to suggest that a parent should be able to end a relationship for their child. It is easy to forget that these two people may love one another and that love is real and powerful and painful. There may also be elements of control. The adults may be married. How realistic is it to ask two people who are in love to be apart for the sake of a child when neither of them really wants the relationship to end?

Of the three options above, the third is perhaps he least damaging for the child who can stay with their parent. It is probably also the best option for the parent who would otherwise be unable to live with and care for their child. We should never under-estimate how hard it may be; perhaps the hardest thing a parent will have to do in their entire life.

This is why quite often it doesn’t work out. The adults may not be able to stay apart. The risky partner may pressurise the parent to continue the relationship, probably in secret.

My advice to a parent in this situation is that they should be realistic. They may need support, from family/friends and possibly professional support, to help them to take this step.

If they cannot end the relationship it is better to admit this. If they continue the relationship in secret the truth will come out and their prospect of the child remaining in their care will be much less.

Jo Taylor
August 2021