Grieving For A Pet….
In his latest Timms Blog, Wills and Probate Solicitor Keith Baldock-Grimes discusses “Grieving For A Pet….”
To many people a pet is like a family member and the death of a pet can be very upsetting. Everyone deals with grief differently and there is no right or wrong way. Try not to feel ashamed or embarrassed of your emotions and remember that tears are part of the healing process for a lot of people. Grief should fade with time and, hopefully, it will get easier. In the meantime, there are techniques which can help you come to terms with your loss.
Firstly, give yourself the time to grieve in your own way. We live in a very busy world, constantly distracted by everyday affairs. Grief can make you feel angry that life hasn’t slowed down on the outside, because of the painful feelings you have on the inside. You need time to grieve and to fully experience your emotions. Give yourself the time let out the emotions you are experiencing, or you may find yourself suppressing your emotions which can lead to more pain further down the road.
Although it can be hard, reflect upon the life shared between yourself and your pet. Take time to reflect with writing, storytelling, memories or whatever form of expression brings you comfort. Try to focus on positive memories as this helps bring you from pain into gratitude for the time spent together. Try to not use this method as a means to avoid experiencing pain as we have to experience both within the grieving process.
Look After Yourself….
It is important that you continue to meet your basic needs. Sleep and appetite are commonly affected by grief so try, as best you can, to continue eating. Try, also, to eat nutritious, healthy foods. Grieving is hard work and takes a toll on the body. Try to maintain a healthy sleep schedule and go to bed as part of a routine. If necessary, focus on a calming practice while doing so.
Choosing a calming practice, such as meditation, focus on breathing or mindful eating can help to release our body tension and free the anxieties that may increase during our interaction with the outside world. It can be frustrating that our social obligations don’t allow us the chance to slow down.
Animals thrive on routines and structure so while you’re grieving try to maintain routines with your living animals as best you can. Living pets can also experience loss and the absence of their companion. Dogs experience grief and will search for their pack member while cats may hide or spend more time alone. Try to maintain walking and feeding routines so as not to disrupt their everyday activities. Routines allow a sense of familiarity, and, although the first few times can be painful, this should reduce over time.
Memorials
A memorial can be a good way of obtaining some form of closure particularly in circumstances where we don’t get to say “goodbye” before our pets passing. Some people choose to write a letter while others have funerals and services. Others decide that they will find a favourite place from their pet’s life and spend some time there. There is no right or wrong way to memorialize the experiences and life that was shared between you.
Although grief is highly individualistic experience, we grieve within communities and it is important to recognise when you need support during your grief process. Don’t be afraid to seek support from understanding friends or relatives or even from online communities and through social media.
Pets And Your Will
Finally, remember that without express provision in a Will, a pet is treated as an asset under the law and, as such, forms part of the residuary estate. While a pet may be a cherished part of life, after death, they could be treated simply as a personal possession.
You can’t leave a gift to your pet in your will, but you can leave a gift for your pet’s care. It is important to clearly state your intentions and consider who will care for your animal on the event of your death. It is a good idea to also name a substitute beneficiary, in case your first option fails through their own death or ill health.
Financial provision can be made for the ongoing care of the pet either through an absolute gift (which gives a named person the right to take care of your pet on your behalf) or else a trust can be established, which can give one or more people financial provision for the pet. You could also consider entrusting your pet to an animal welfare charity, like the RSPCA or Dog’s Trust, and perhaps leave a gift to that charity.
It is important to ensure that any provision will be adequate since the person to whom you have bequeathed your pet may be reluctant to accept it if the cost of caring for it outweighs the gift. Life expectancy of your pet is a key factor to consider in deciding who should look your pet. Whilst dogs and cats may not live much beyond 15 – 20 years some pets such as parrots or tortoises can live for many decades.
Pets fulfil so much in so many people’s lives, that it would be tragic if the love and care they enjoy would not continue should anything happen to their owner. That is why it is so important to make express provision for them in a will. If you need guidance you can seek professional legal advice to ensure that your beloved pet will be looked after in accordance with your wishes.
How Can Timms Help?
If you would like further information regarding the topics raised in this article then please telephone me on 01283 214231 or e-mail me at k.baldock-grimes@timms-law.com. Alternatively, you can visit the Wills and Probate section of our website here.
